Writing on the internet haha

Starting this blog thing has taken so long because yes we are all so busy and stuff but it is also lots of other reasons…

Firstly I have no or very little idea of what a blog is. As someone who got their first computer at the age of 20 and has never had facebook, twitter or any of that stuff there are quite a few words in circulation that I simply don’t understand and have to gloss over because everyone else seems to effortlessly. Blog is definitely one of them. Is it a diary thing? I do not know…

It seems with the internet/computers a lot of words become fickle. Yes it spreads an abundance of important and needed information but also lots of unnecessary bollocks. Which I now have the pleasure of engaging in 🙂 Yay! Now everyone gets to read the rubbish I have to say. You know it’s time when a distinguished pianist/lecturer probably in his 40’s or 50’s says ‘come on IzzI you need to get with the times’ hahaaa.

So now I’m down with the cool kids on the internet it’s time to unleash my rubbish…

It’s so much easier and simpler to just exist within yourself and only the people who are very close to you where you know what’s appropriate and feel comfortable relaying your thoughts. Or is it? I don’t know. I’ve never particularly tried to force my written opinion upon anyone, not because I’m adamantly against it, I’ve just never really got round to it and have never seen/understood the benefits of all the internet stuff. When you vent your opinions in conversation and in a classroom it is only fleeting and immediately in the past, you might be able to repeat it but now it’s only a memory. Whereas this is written down; making your speech solid on a screen for everyone else to read. It’s weird. Freely giving your opinion out to the wider audience does take balls because it’s letting people judge you and identify you with a belief of something even if minute. It sounds obvious but it’s new to me.

I suppose it depends how highly you regard your words. Are you willing to allow yourself to be judged by everyone, well by writing anywhere you accept this. Why do we all have to be so afraid of judgement? Your opinions are what make, mould and distinguish you as individual. If you have an opinion but don’t tell anyone it doesn’t exist because no one hears it, like that old saying you say when people try and get into a meditative state, if a tree falls in a forest but there’s no one there to hear it does it make a sound…

But no one said the silent tree wasn’t content, just forgotten.

How humans give judgement to each other and themselves is so complex, what society makes you think is right…

There’s a brilliant reality show on at the moment, 20 people, 2 months living as if in the Stone Age about 10,000BC. How cool is that! 😀 Yeah they had to worry about being eaten and starvation but can you imagine the blissfully simple society – hunt, make things. Sounds amazing, no silly modern age worries. I’d love to live in the forest! With my cello of course 🙂

Everyday I am grateful for so many things, this coffee, this shower, this flat, being at uni!!! But I am immensely overwhelmed by the opportunity’s that have opened up to us in the last week or so. Apparently we’re going to America… No see I still don’t really believe it even though I’m writing it haha. Funny thing is I wrote the above paragraph way before I found out that apparently we’ll be going to stay in a forest!!??? That sounds absolutely incredible and for me I could not wish for a better experience. Last week I was trying to book a ‘Forest Holiday’ (doing bush skills and all kinds of stuff) with my partner but it was all too expensive…
And now there’s people telling me I can go to America and stay in a FOREST…

Wow.

Thank you Laura 🙂

I am completely determined and kinda looking forward to the fundraising to get us there.

We’ve been asked to write a bit about ‘our story’. Obviously everyone has a novel inside them of how and why they got to where they are today so it’s hard to think of what bits to say… (haha that rhymed) Beginning is probably a good start…

Ummmm… It’s very hard to not go down the poor me route when speaking about your life because memory works in strange ways and you always remember the bad stuff much more than the good… No matter how bad life gets someone else’s is ALWAYS worse, think of that person rather than contemplating mine. Not that you don’t have the right to feel bad about your own life but it’s just good to bear that in mind.

I sometimes genuinely feel guilty about how good my life is and how lucky I am for everything. Sometimes, ramdomly I feel so happy I could cry, just because I am grateful. I decided some time ago that there has been too many shit days in life that now everyday has to be as good as you can possible make it. That’s what gets me up, I love mornings, I get up about 6.30 everyday just to live (mostly to practise piano haha) and try as hard as I can. (What motivates you to get up? – I’m going to write more about this…) ‘Awake arise you drowsy sleeper, awake arise it’s almost day, not time to lie no time to slumber, no time to dream your life away… ’ A beautiful song by Chris Wood, Hollow Point, it’s a true story, horrendous, another reminder to appreciate life and at the end there’s a sound and it sounds like a train/tube but it actually a cello, it’s so cool…

I grew up in a council house, on a shitty estate, basically as poor as you can be in England, the only people worse off are squatters/the homeless. A string quartet of music teachers came to our school, this was the first time the music service had gone to that part of town, I assume as part of some kind of project and it is so sad that I can say the music service is definitely not in that part of town anymore and I thank the universe that I was that there in the very small window of time that they were.

The string quartet played in assembly ‘The Teddy Bear’s Picnic’ and that was it I fell head over heels in love with the cello, I could not stop watching it. I remember trying to sit on my feet to see it more. I was just fascinated by it… And sad when it stopped… There were a few really sensible teachers at that school and immediately after they said ‘if anyone’s interested take a slip but please make sure to tell your parents there is an 87% reduction on fees if you’re on benefits, which means it’ll roughly be about a fiver a term’. I remember trying so hard to remember 87 and it’ll be a fiver a term.

So I came running out of school waving my slip saying ‘mum mum I wanna play the cello’ and the reply was ‘what’s a cello?… A fiver? I don’t know…’. My mum is the most loving, caring and giving parent, probably the most wonderfulest person on earth 🙂 I needed to say that just to clarify incase that speech sounded a bit harsh. But when you don’t have anything a fiver is quite a lot: a loaf of bread, milk, marge, electricity. It makes a considerable difference to your weeks living. As a child of 7 I definitely understood that we might of not been able to afford it.

That night my mum must have phoned my grandma (her mum)… And my grandma paid for my cello lessons until I was 18. I am utterly indebted to my grandma; I basically owe my whole life to her because if she hadn’t been there I would never have been able to play the cello. My mum’s never had a car (the thought of her driving is so funny hahahaa) so my grandma drove me to everything music related which I enjoyed so much…

That’s enough of all that! Obviously there’s about million more words there…

Basically I adore every aspect of the cello and cherish it immensely. Ever since I can remember I wanted to teach the cello, I’ve never considered/dreamt of everything else. I remember being about 10 and you had to write down what you think you’ll be doing in ten years – cello teacher, what’s your dream job – cello teacher. Throughout life people have asked/discussed ‘what do you wanna be when you’re older’… Mine has always been the same. There have been a few points where I thought I might not be good enough to pursue it, and those thoughts still crop up now and again. That is a small part of the reason why I haven’t starting teaching yet (well I had my first lesson/pupil ever a few days ago…) but also, this may sound a bit sad but I wanted to save it almost, as if a precious treat I wanted to appreciate and I know it’s what I’ll be doing forever.

Well I was meant to talk about teaching… I definitely will! Probably… haha.

Writing all this has been quite therapeutic and enjoyable and I intend to write more… About teaching! 🙂

I love to listen and any questions, opinions, statements about anything really are very welcome.

Talking about things is ALWAYS the best option 🙂

Thanks for reading.